Woman Empowerment Wednesday

I need some empowerment today. I dont have any to give. I know. This is a shocker, right? Well today I feel like this:

Of course probably the biggest stress Ive had all semester occurs this week, when we start exam season. My stomach is in knots, I cant focus and I just want to cry, and chain smoke (Im not even a smoker really) and drink bottles of wine. Why? Well, hang on to your seats. So Monday was ECG exam. I wish all exams were as straight forward as that one. Here's to maybe getting 100% on a med school exam! I decided to see Ron Burgandy Monday night. We hung out, and laughed, giggled and cuddled as usual. In the morning, my life changed. Tuesday morning was almost too much to handle. So what happened? Well, things got a little out of hand. I have never snapped at him like I did, but for lack of details, he goofed. BIG TIME. So we had gotten ourself into a little mess, but he was a stand up guy and resolved the issue. All day in the forefront of my brain was what am I going to do about my relationship with him. It was time we revisited an ultamatum: Date me like a proper woman or we cant be friends. This friends with benefits thing KILLS me because I want more from him so badly. AND I know he is emotionally involved with me too, but it just hasnt happened. So I stayed with him last night because we both were nervous and scared of the rectification route we chose to "right our wrongs" if you will. This morning I woke up, cuddled with him, walked out the door and cried. I just let it all out. The past 24 hours has been a complete emotional rollercoaster. I dont cry. I always say emotions arent real. But today, they exist. I sent him a text saying he needs to decide. And he responded that right now his focus is on business and not on women, but he doesnt want to lose my company and friendship and is afraid to date me because ill end up disappointed with this commitment since his focus is his business and career. I respect that. But it still stabs me. I told him I cant be friends with him and see him because of how I feel about him and he told me to take some time away and see if we can work it out. I dont want to. I want him to tell me how Im his priority. Its not happening. I dont want to be friends with him, I want time apart to detox and forget about him. 

So here I am, with ITS (Irritable Tears Syndrome....kinda like IBS but not involving my butt). The last time I cried was watching the Kardashian wedding. I cant focus. Oh, AND THEN, I check my email yesterday and lo and behold, BATMAN emailed me. I will copy and paste it for you so you can read it in all its glory ( i will annotate in parenthesis):

"Monica,

I think you shot me a text message a few days back (Nope, no I didnt. It was a few weeks back. Way to keep up with time). I've been through three phones since then so you'll have to forgive the fact it took me a while to figure out that you did and since your number was on the phone that. Broke I had to figure out whose number it was.(couldnt you have simply texted me back..."Im sorry I have a new phone...who is this?" instead of just NOT responding....you are such a liar) I have horrible phone luck. How are you doing? How's classes? I'm packing to move to sheridan (awesome. Closer to me) and I've been working on my legal process class in my free time. Work has died down recently so I'm back working 10 _ 11 hrs... normalcy. 

I am off to sleep, (I was up late last night)

Hope all is well with you. Drop me a line when you can - H"

Seriously????? ugh. I wrote back that all is well with me. Im playing the nice card. Does he NOT realize he dumped me out of nowhere a month ago???? Whatever, it was just the icing on the cake yesterday. I hate men. Sigh. Why why why why why? Ok, I feel a little better now after venting about my crappy day. The tears I shed typing this have dried. Maybe Ill find some empowerment squatting today at the gym to write about. Sorry if I totally put a downer on your day.